David "Walky" Walkerton is a major character in both the Walkyverse (hence the name) and Dumbing of Age. Don't be fooled by his childish demeanor and poop obsessions: there's a lot more going on under that haircut than you'd guess at first glance.


David Walkerton


Walky iw
First Appearance: Roomies! May 9, 1999
YOB: April 1st, 1980
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 150 lbs
Squadron(s): 128 (third cmdr)
Abductee powers: Standard abductee endurance and durability, Sigma-level strength, accumulative immunity to mindwipes, intestines of steel
Spouse: Joyce Brown (wife)
Children: Bobby Walkerton (son)
Relatives: Linda Walkerton (mother), Charles Walkerton (father), Sal Walkerton (twin sister), Steve Walkerton (adoptive brother)

David Walkerton can't escape responsibility. After a traumatic childhood incident, he's been ducking it at every possible turn. According to all outward appearances, "Walky" is a terminally goofy, scatterbrained nobody with the attention span, eager playfulness, and loyalty of a scrappy little puppy.

But despite his best attempts, responsibility keeps finding him. Before long, he found himself recruited by SEMME and charged with saving the world from alien menaces big and small. He'd once been told that he's "destined for greatness blah blah blah," but after twenty years of playing the fool, he doubts there's much else left to him. And besides, he doesn't wanna.

Nachitos comprise 80% of his diet.

Spoiler warning!
Plot and/or ending details follow.


Walky grew up in southern Indiana with his family. He was a smart yet irreverent child until the age of ten, when, during playtime with his best friend Jennifer "Billie" Billingsworth, Walky was subjected to what should have been a routine abduction by the Aliens. Instead, he and another abductee, Joyce Brown, broke loose. Joyce was eventually caught, but when they threatened her with harm, Walky was too frightened to reveal his location - until, after real harm had occurred, he snapped and violently attacked his captors.

Though Walky survived the experience, he was never quite the same, and forcibly regressed into an immature goofball. For years afterwards, he rejected "Walky" as a nickname, linking it to the traumatic event he half-remembered. Walky and Billie also began to drift apart socially as Billie became more popular and less interested in hanging out with the poop-obsessed who'd taught her to both fight and kiss.

After high school, Walky and Beef joined SEMME. Beef was assigned to Squadron 128, and Walky was assigned to Professor Doc as his go-fer and lab assistant. It was during this time that Squad 128 brought in a young comatose college student named Joyce Brown. After helping Professor Doc to wake her up from her state, he inadvertently assisted the Head Alien in wiping her mind.

Year Zero

Walky was one of the few SEMME personnel not incapacitated by the Head Alien's virus on January 1st, 2000, and joined forces with Joyce and Jason Chesterfield to foil the Head Alien's mass brainwashing effort. During the climactic battle at the White House, it was revealed that Walky was actually an abductee. Though initially stunned, Walky quickly embraced his newfound powers.

Aliens Stole My Nachitos!

Following the events of Year Zero, Walky was assigned to Squadron 128. Shortly thereafter, the Head Alien orchestrated a worldwide Nachitos shortage to get his attention. After a few futile attempts at bootlegging the cheese-flavored nacho chips, Walky learned the source of the shortage, stole a SEMMEcraft, and rampaged his way through the Alien headquarters. After Walky was finally neutralized by the Head Alien's latest experiment, the Giant Mutant Frosted Honey Bun, the Head Alien made an offer he hoped Walky could not refuse. The Head Alien claimed to be his creator, demanded Walky's loyalty, and, as Sal arrived to "rescue" Walky, revealed a startling truth: Beef was not actually Walky's twin brother. Rather, Sal were switched at birth.

Old News

In addition to having to cope with a major revision to his family history, Walky also struggled with his attraction to Joyce, which had grown while he cared for her following her memory-wipe. In an effort to find out more about this mysterious girl, he tracked down the few leads he had, a trail that eventually brought him into contact with the cast of Roomies!.

Loose Lips

After Anti-Joyce trashed Joyce's mind, Walkerton stumbled into dating Dina Sarazu. Originally, he only intended to spite Joyce, but began to like Dina on her own merits. With Dina came a stable comfort he didn't believe he could get with Joyce's psychosis.

Aliens Invade the Bermuda Triangle

However, an incident deep in the Bermuda Triangle became a silent turning point for Walky. While masquerading as his sister to throw the Head Alien off-kilter, he was surprised when the Head Alien offered "Sal" the chance to resurrect Sal's parents in exchange for goods and services. When the beans were spilled, the Head Alien made Walky remember something he really didn't want to -- and subsequently, he smooshed the Head Alien with the pods containing Sal's parents. Tragically, he also smooshed Big Boss.


The circumstances of Big Boss's death remained a secret that only Walky and Dina knew - until she shouted it out during an attack on SEMME HQ. Tony was present and went mad with rage. However, he was mind-wiped instantly afterwards, and was left with no memory of the event. However, Walky later decided that keeping it a secret was a bad idea, and told both Joyce and Tony the truth about what happened.

Growing Up

It was the knowledge of this event - plus the continued efforts by Walky to hide his angst behind a wall of goofiness - that ultimately drove Dina away from him. Shortly after the break-up, he finally found solace with Joyce.

Rise and Fall

After Jason, Squad 128's commander, was framed by the shadowy JFO and relieved from duty, Walky was given command of the squadron. Despite a rocky start, he was able to lead the successful rescue of Alan Rees, SEMME's alien expert, from the clutches of the Head Alien.

Squad 128 next found themselves dealing with an unexpected group of extradimensional travelers: the cast of Fans!, brought over by a mysterious rift. After a brief battle, the "visitors" successfully returned to their home dimension. Around this time, Walky also met Joyce's parents for the first time.

When the JFO attacked SEMME HQ under the leadership of Penny Worthington, Walky and his comrades were the organization's main line of defense against the JFO's Britjas. The unexpected death of Dina in a JFO bomb-blast drove Walky into a rage-fuelled frenzy, during which time he attacked squadmate Mike Warner and nearly beat him to death.

Following the incident, Mike was reassigned and replaced by Robin DeSanto.

The Alpha of the Omega

During a scouting mission in Canada, Walky ran afoul of a reality-warping beam deployed by the Head Alien, which turned him into a girl. Despite the obvious complications, he was able to keep his cool and ultimately helped Squad 128 revive The Cheese, who had been frozen in time by the beam's effects.

World Without Hope

Sometime thereafter, the US government formally pulled the plug on SEMME, thanks in large part to the machinations of Bart O'Ryan. Now left as civilians, Walky and Joyce decided to get married and consummated their relationship in a hotel room, wrecking the bed in the process.

Their bliss didn't last long, as a Martian attack force emerged in orbit around Earth just as the mysterious JFO attacked the remains of SEMME in Denver. With the help of the Melonpool cast, Walky jumped into the thick of the battle, and managed to do an impressive amount of damage before losing an arm to the Martians, then dying in action.

After a brief stint in Purgatory - during which he reunited with Ruth, Dina, Alan, and other deceased friends - his soul was able to travel back in time to seek out The Cheese's android body as it lay dormant in Canada, and worked its way to the surface once the Head Alien had been expelled from the android. Using The Cheese's powers, Walky was able to defeat the Martian force.

Joyce and Walky!

Walky was subsequently revived with an improvised Martian Resurrection Chamber built by Joe. With SEMME effectively dismantled, he was free to live some semblance of a normal life with Joyce. (At least, as normal as it gets for Walky - especially once his sister moved in with them.)

Joyce and Walky eventually married, though their wedding quickly degenerated into a multidimensional battle royale thanks to the machinations of Head Alien II, an alternate-universe version of everybody's favorite tiny megalomaniac. Sometime later, their first child, Bobby, was born.


Walky and his family made a brief appearance at the wedding of Mike Warner and Amber O'Malley.


Dumbing of AgeEdit

David Walkerton


First Appearance: Dumbing of Age 12 September 2010
Hometown: Evansville, Indiana
Major: Telecommunications
Roommate: Mike Warner
Likes: Cartoons, fast food, doing jack-shit
Relatives: Linda Walkerton (mother), Charles Walkerton (father), Sal Walkerton (twin sister), Jennifer Billingsworth (basically sister)

Walky doesn’t know why exactly he’s in college, except that his parents really want him there. He’d rather watch cartoons. Apparently you can’t major in that? “Telecommunications” has “tele” in it, just like “television,” right? He likes watching television! So, hey, close enough.

Walky’s smart, but he’s terrible at applying himself. Let’s pray he doesn’t fall in love with some beautiful, studious over-achiever.

Spoiler warning!
Plot and/or ending details follow.


As the "whiter" and more academically successful of the Walkerton siblings, Walky grew up as the favorite child of the family despite barely having to put any effort in. Sister Sal responded to her parents' lack of attention by acting out in increasingly aggressive ways, ending with her arrest after a botched robbery attempt.

In his younger days, Walky was also close to his schoolmate Billie. In fact, the two were close enough to regularly share beds - at least until they turned 9, at which point their parents put a stop to it for various reasons. Some time thereafter, Billie discovered puberty and popularity, in that approximate order. From then on, the only significant interaction Walky had with his old buddy was when one of her cronies stuffed him into a locker.

As usual, Walky arrived on IU campus without much in the way of a plan; above all, he hadn't counted on being smitten to the point of idiocy with Dorothy Keener. Noticing Walky's interest, Billie (somewhat chastised by suddenly finding herself at the bottom of the campus pecking order) immediately set about playing love guru to her old schoolmate. Her efforts were well-intentioned but pretty much irrelevant; Dorothy and Walky were already bonding over their shared love of Dexter & Monkey Master, and soon ended up on Slipshine in bed together.

Billie, meanwhile, was falling apart over her increasingly complicated relationship with Ruth. Walky quickly figured out something was wrong when his normally-imperious friend admitted that she might not be right about everything. When Billie later showed up at Walky's room in the middle of the night and then spent the next few hours wordlessly brooding in his bed, he finally decided to act... by bringing Ruth in to take care of the problem.

Lately his grades have been slipping as a result of his constant slacking and lack of attention.

Move-In Day

On his first day on the campus after checking in and getting his keys, Walky is immediately pulled aside by Billie, who tells him that even though they are childhood friends, they're not in the same social circle.

Walky later pops by Billie and his sister Sal's room to see if Sal is there and Billie want to get food, to which she turns him down. He then watches and comments on her failing to hit on Tony for beer.

Uphill From Here

On his first day of classes, Walky walks with Billie and his roommate Mike to math class, and the three of them are introduced to Joyce who also has math. He's impressed that the girls' RA Ruth threw Billie into a couch, and then sees his sister arrive on a motorcycle to the same class. Walky has an awkward reunion with Sal after not having talked for 5 years, and tries to make conversation but she doesn't seem too interested.

Later at the end of math class, Walky hands his notes to the TA Jason, which is a drawing of him getting eaten by a T-Rex. He walks with Joyce to their next class, gender studies, while Mike offloads his books in Walky's backpack. He tells her that even though he's officially studying telecommunications, he's mostly here since his parents want him to be, while she tells him her real goal is to find her husband, which Walky immediately calls stupid.

They continue arguing all the way into class, and when Joyce asks if he just hates girls, Walky states he's perfectly happy being single, only to instantly fall for Dorothy right when she walks in and reveals she likes Dexter and Monkey Master too. He shows off his Monkey Master toy, to which when Dorothy replies that it's nice, he throws it at her. After class, he wonders why it feels like he's walking uphill both ways.

Men Are From Beck, Women Are From Clark

The next morning, Walky is talking with Billie in the dorms and he sees Dorothy walk by, making it evident to Billie that he's in love with her. He wanders after her into the girls side of the dorm, to which Billie tries to pull him away. Walky then denies being in love with any girls and walks away irritated.

Later that night, Walky happily carries 50 mcnuggets for 10 bucks, showing them off to Joe and later enjoying them in his room, away from the drama.


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