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First Appearance: Shortpacked! 1 April 2008
Affiliations: McAwesome's, Axis of Something

Evan is (was?) Ethan's counterpart at McAwesome's Parasailing and Chocolate Bakery in Shortpacked!.


Evan was a former stand-up comedian looking for a job to get him back on his feet. His search landed him at McAwesome's, where he would experience a happiness he never thought was possible. Within five years, he'd helped turn the store around and earned the respect and love of his co-workers. He also started banging Thad.

Spoiler warning!
Plot and/or ending details follow.

Then Ultra Car clocked him in the face with a lead box. After some time in the hospital on life support, he died. That wasn't the end of it, though: wannabe supervillain Sydney Yus exhumed his corpse and spent several years crafting Evan's dead body into a cyborg-zombie sort of thing. Upon completion, Cyber-Evan was inducted into the Axis of Something and drafted into Sydney's scheme to abduct Fuckface, Malaya's pet iguana.

Evan proved a powerful combatant, easily defeating Ultra Car and Ninja Rick. However, Sydney hadn't counted on Robin DeSanto, who'd surreptitiously texted Thad about Evan's resurrection. The sight of his former boyfriend brought Evan out of his cybernetic kill-lust, and the two went off hand in robo-fist to go do it. (Somehow.)