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The Tome of Ages was a quasi-religious text featured in Shortpacked!, part of a scheme cooked up by Galasso to take over the world local Toys 'R Us branch.


After another dismal quarter, Galasso unexpected unveiled the Tome of Ages, a supposedly long-lost relic stating that Shortpacked! and local rival Toys 'R Us were once one corporation, The United Toy Store, that was started by Lincoln (who was a ninja) and "[granted] peace and Spawn figures for all."

Under stewardship of the mythical Eaton, the company split in twain and the Eaton retreated, promising to return to unite the split corporations and bring love (and jokes about someone who may or may not be Batman) to the masses once more. Ethan Siegal was initially heralded as the second Eaton, but after he refused to sire an heir with Galasso's daughter, Conquest, he was cast out (read: fired) as a false prophet.

Galasso then unveiled the Gospel of Faz (after some "retranslation") and made Faz the keeper of the prophecy. Emboldened by this, Faz attempted to seize control of the toy store with Ninja Rick's assistance. At this point, Galasso revealed that he'd gotten bored of the whole charade and had just bought Toys 'R Us for a nickel. (Presumably Mike Warner helped negotiate the deal.)